Ellen and Portia Wed, World Doesn't End

Talk-show host Ellen Degeneres and actress Portia de Rossi were married Saturday in a small ceremony at their home in Beverly Hills. As far as I can tell, the world hasn't ceased to exist and the nation hasn't descended into lawless chaos, despite the fact that they and other same-sex couples have wed. In the event that either does occur, I won't be here to comment on it since I'll either be dead or busy defending my life and property with deadly force. Congratulations, ladies! And remember me when it comes time to choose officials after you take over the nation as scheduled in the Gay Agenda.