More entertainment and more Nuke

Here's the second part of the Luke and Noah Story in music video form as presented by me. And for some insight into why the Luke and Noah storyline resonates with me so much, here is a post that I made on a forum that I frequent (cleaned up a bit) in response to why I like Noah:

The reason I like Noah is the same reason that I fell for the story in the first place: I used to be a guy like Luke in love with a Noah. For a while, there were a lot of similarities between their story and mine. When I was in college, I met a boy. He was tall, good-looking, and from a strict, religious family. At first, I didn't even like him! Then we became friends, and then I fell head-over-heels in love with him. I knew that I was gay by this point although I hadn't come out to anyone. So basically I was torturing myself for a while because I thought it could never be (much like Luke did with Noah early on). I can't even tell you the horrible things I thought about myself, because I thought I was betraying someone who trusted me by having these feelings.

The funny thing is that even though he lived openly as a totally straight guy and dated girls, I still got this vibe off of him, but I would often discount it as wishful thinking. And other people would say things. Our "Maddie" (a friend of mine that even looked a lot like her, they were never really boyfriend/girlfriend, but did date for a bit, and she was always around, interrupting at what seemed to be very inopportune times) made a remark once about how the only person she'd ever seen him flirt with was me. And this was before she knew about me or him. Then sometime during this period, I came out to my best friend and roommate at the time (who was absolutely WONDERFUL about everything). He could read me like a book (he was even pretty sure that I was gay before I told him), and one night, he told me that it was obvious to him that I was crazy about this guy. And then he said something even more shocking to me than that: he thought that the guy was into me, too. He said that sometimes when we were all hanging out together and the guy and I started goofing around, he felt like he should leave the room! Anyway, I eventually came out to all my friends, including this guy. And he was very cool with it, even though he had acted previously like being gay wasn't a very cool thing.

Sometime later, something huge happened. I happened to catch sight of the guy....um...enjoying himself....to....um.....a gay film of a certain kind. Well, I confronted him and he confessed things to me. Like how he would find guys on the Internet and hook up with them for fun (which was sort of humiliating, because it turned out that he was more experienced than me, the out gay guy). He still insisted that he wasn't gay, however. He dated girls and wanted to find one with whom to settle down and start a family. Girls were for something serious, guys were just for fun. This was not good news for me, because as it happened, he actually had feelings for me, so, therefore, according to his warped logic he could never be with me, because then it would mean something and THEN he would be gay. (Don't bother trying to figure it out, I gave up a LONG time ago.) There were embraces and even a kiss here and there, but we could never really be together because of what he believed.

So then there was this period of pushing and pulling, which actually began even before either one of us knew about the other now that I think about it. I would basically kick him out of my life for something he'd do which I'd blow out of proportion, because I knew that what was happening was not healthy and we were probably better off apart. But he would always come begging and pleading to me to forgive him and let him back in. Of course, because of the way I felt, I did. I always did. But he had a problem with lying. It was basically second nature to him, because he had to lie about so much of his life all the time. I just didn't like it when he lied to me. And I always knew or found out and I would always call him on it. He said that I was the only one who could ever really see through him, and I was the only one who knew the truth about him, so even he couldn't explain why he would lie to me about things. Anyway, after one more round of him begging me to forgive him and let him back in, I made him promise not to lie to me ever again. And he lied to me 5 minutes later (no exaggeration). And, like always, I knew it. That was it, I couldn't do it anymore. So, I did something horrible to completely alienate him, so he wouldn't come begging again, and it worked. (God, I just realized how much this part of my life sounds like a damn soap.)

I was pretty much shattered afterwards. I went to grad school and made a wonderful group of friends that reaffirmed my faith in humanity and really helped me to heal. About 2 years after that whole episode, we chatted for a bit, and we both seemed to let bygones be bygones and caught up a bit, but we were both on our way in different directions in life, so that was the last time we talked. So you see, we never actually got to be together like Luke and Noah, even though there was definitely something there. But, then again, that whole saga lasted a lot longer than their similar period did. I think even Luke would have completely given up after that long. The sad thing is that I've never felt about anyone since the way I did about him. I've had boyfriends that I've liked, but nothing even close to what I felt for him. I sometimes think about him and know now (being older and wiser) that there were probably other ways of going about things, but it's all water under the bridge.

Then I come upon this story, and I tell you, some of the scenes between Luke and Noah were so similar to scenes between us that it was just scary. I wanted to know who was using my life for soap material! And Noah reminded me of him, and those bittersweet memories came back. And poor well-meaning Luke reminded me of me (although he was admittedly a LOT cuter). And as a gay man, having such a story that seemed ripped from my life in mainstream entertainment was such a unique experience. Seriously, I never come across anything I can REALLY relate to as a gay man in mainstream media. I could relate to this story completely (at least until they actually got together). So it may not be a good enough answer to some, but the reason I like Noah is because he reminds me so much of the one that got away.

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A word now about this week's recommended download. I have been greatly enjoying the show, Pushing Daisies, and Kristin Chenoweth who portrays Olive. Kristin was the original Galinda/Glinda in the Broadway production of Wicked in which she performed the tune "Popular." It's an enjoyable little ditty that has been one of my favorite songs of the past few years. I know that not everyone is into show tunes, but I recommend that everyone give this a spin to see if it's their cup of tea. And check out Kristin on Pushing Daisies if you get a chance. She broke out into "Hopelessly Devoted to You" a few weeks ago, and it was magnificent!

Recommended song download: Popular - Kristin Chenoweth (from the Original Broadway production of Wicked)

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Just a little entertainment

This is a little video that I made while I was bored. It pairs up the Luke and Noah saga, about which I've already written, with Feist's "1, 2, 3, 4".

I'm hoping to get back to writing on here, but nothing is tickling my writing fancy right now as far as the blog goes. To be honest, I've actually got an idea for a story to write. I don't know if it will be a novel, a play, or a short story, but I've been developing it, and it's coming along nicely. The biggest hurdle up to this point was to figure out how it would start, and I think I've finally got it. So, hopefully, I'll be off and running on that. I don't really want to give away any details because it's about something about which I've never seen anything written. Oh, I'm sure someone has written about something similar, but I've never seen it, and it's not something you see on every shelf, every stage, or every screen. So I'm a bit excited and a bit trepidatious to be honest. I probably put too much pressure on myself over these things, since there's a good chance that no one else will ever see them, but if I'm going to put this much time and effort into something I just want it to be good. And I am my toughest critic, so it's got to be really good to make me think I wasn't wasting my time.

Recommended song download: Mesmerized (Freemasons Radio Edit) - Faith Evans

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Golden Oldies

So at the risk of making myself seem like even more of a dork than I already have, I am going to write about my favorite television show ever. So what classic ranks at the top of my list? Of all of the television shows I've ever seen, nothing compares to the hilarity of The Golden Girls. When I think of Blanche, Rose, Dorothy, and Sophia, I become filled with the the warm fuzzies. They remind me of my childhood, when I absolutely had to watch them every Saturday. They also remind me of my late grandmother who would often watch me watch them and cackle gleefully at my gleeful cackling. And believe it or not, Rose reminds me of a wonderful friend of mine from Minnesota, who is sometimes so much like Rose that it's scary. Beyond the memories associated with the show, the good times that seem to be had by the girls themselves are enough to keep me watching again and again.

My favorite girl has changed countless times over the years. As a child, I absolutely adored Sophia, or "that crazy old lady" as I referred to her at the time. Her wisecracks and her stories that always began with the words "picture it" kept me amused to no end and still do to a surprising degree. As I got older and began to watch the reruns, Dorothy became my favorite with her dry wit and sarcasm. She reminded me of me to a large degree, and still does really. I've always got a smart remark for family and friends, and I'm usually considered to be "the intelligent one." A little later, however, I entered my wild phase, staying out all night and ending up in more than one bed. Of course, Blanche then became my favorite and the one with which I most identified. I'll just say it: she was a slut and so was I. Although I do have some fond memories from that time and sometimes think about revisiting the past, I'm mostly glad that I'm as boring as I am today. A little of that kind of living goes a long way. So that brings me to Rose. Although funny in her own way with her St. Olaf stories and wide-eyed innocence, she is a bit of a fuddy-duddy who finds joy in some very mundane things. That is basically me today. I can't guarantee I'll stay there, however. I, like life, and like the world, am constantly changing. I may revert to a previous incarnation or I may grow in a new and unexpected way that brings me back to being a disciple of one of the other girls. One thing I do know is that I'll keep watching the show (especially as I've shelled out good money for the DVDs) and enjoying it. Finally, although they'll probably never see this, I'd like to give a heartfelt thanks to those wonderful actresses, and everyone else who brought the show to life, for bringing a little life to what shows on my television. It's been over twenty years since it's debut, and I still enjoy getting on the ride again and again like a favorite roller coaster at a favorite amusement park.

Recommended song download: Chelsea - Stefy

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Addiction Pt. 2

Yes, there is yet another thing of which I can't get enough. I guess I just have an addictive personality, getting hooked on these things so easily. No, I'm not talking about drugs. Sure, I've tried a few things, but I never really understood the whole drug thing. They never seemed to do anything for me, and I never felt like I had to do it again. In fact, I always felt like I never needed to do that again. Alcohol can be nice, but I don't drink that much. I have a very fine line between being drunk and feeling good and being drunk and praying to the porcelain god. Unfortunately, I'm not very good at recognizing that line, so I now keep drinking to a minimum. No my great vice is a computer game of the MMO variety. And, no, it is not World of Warcraft. I'd rather play a game as Paris Hilton (blech) than an elf or whatever the hell else you can be on there. My other addiction right now is City of Heroes/City of Villains (supposedly stand alone games, but really two sides of the same game). Worse, I am a total altoholic. For those that don't know, an altoholic is someone who can't just play one character and enjoy the game but has to make character after character (or alts as they're known). In this game creating other characters is especially addictive because it has the best character customization in the industry, at least as far as appearance goes. You can play as a superhero (City of Heroes) or a supervillain (City of Villains, duh). You can also choose from plenty of powers (and the developers have recently announced that more are coming, so I have to make even MORE characters now). This game appealed to me from the start because I am a long-time fan of comics and the whole world of superheroes and supervillains. It continues to appeal to me because it's just a blast to play. Depending on your mood, you can solo or team with other players. When I originally started, I was a total soloer, as I usually am in real life (I just prefer to not interact with people anymore than I have to, not to sound bitchy or anything). Then I started teaming and found the challenge of working with others and devising the best ways to use our combinations of powers enjoyable. I've been playing the game for more than 15 months now, and that's not counting a break I took for several months. I decided to come back and found so many new things to do and more being added all the time. I consciously work on not playing it too much, though, and I make sure that I spend time with the people that I should and doing the things that I need to do, as well as doing other things that I enjoy (check the previous post). But there is no denying that part of me wants to play 24/7! I think it's that kid inside who used to read the comics and dreamed about being someone just like the characters that I play in the game. Damn kid.

Recommended song download: Stand Back (Tracy Takes You Home Radio) - Stevie Nicks

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Addiction

I have a new addiction. Well, it's relatively new. I've had it for a few weeks now. I watch the Luke/Noah storyline from "As the World Turns" on YouTube, often repeatedly. Every once in a while, I'll catch an episode on television to see if it's on there, but I'm usually disappointed. It's just so damn good. It's probably the best thing I've ever seen on a soap and it's the first thing I can actually relate to on one. Believe it or not, I actually had a similar episode in college. I've seen others comment on similarities in their own lives as well. To sum up, Luke is a gay teen who came out not too long ago, and Noah is a (relatively) new guy in town, who begins a relationship with Luke's friend, Maddie. Luke is attracted to Noah but thinks he's straight, then Noah kisses him revealing otherwise. Noah feels pressured by his homophobic father to live the straight life and tries to make a go of it with Maddie. Doubt, unspoken feelings, and secrets abound. I won't give away any more in case any readers would like to check it out for themselves. (Yes, it's probably a little naive to assume that there are readers, but someone could stumble across this little corner of the Internet someday and, hopefully, they'll be entertained, but it's more likely they'll be horrified.) The writing is surprisingly good for a soap, and the performances have been surprising as well. Van Hansis as Luke is absolutely brilliant. In fact, he is so good that it makes me nervous that he won't be on much longer because someone has to snap him up for bigger and better things soon. He's just WAY too good for a soap. Alexandra Chando (as Maddie) has also stepped up to the plate recently delivering when it was most important. I highly recommend following the saga. However, I don't really recommend tuning into the show everyday, since, as mentioned before, this storyline isn't on nearly enough and the other storylines are pretty much what you would expect on a run-of-the-mill soap. A wonderful individual has put the Luke/Noah story on YouTube with only the scenes relating to their story, for which I will be eternally grateful. You can find them at http://www.youtube.com/user/LukeVanFan. Enjoy!

Recommended song download: Big Spender (NorthxNWest Remix) - Shirley Bassey

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Where to begin?

Why am I doing this? Well, I've recently decided that I would like to write, definitely as a hobby and possibly as a profession. The problem, however, is that I'm pretty rusty in that department. I used to write all kinds of thing when I was younger, but then "real life" came along as it does to all young idealists eventually, and it was pushed to the wayside. I have ideas popping around in my head, but actually putting them into words has been a bit tricky. I decided that I just need to write. It doesn't matter what it is or what it's about, I just need to write. That's where the blog comes in. It gives me an outlet to write about anything that I want to. Now, having said that, I hope anyone reading this (if, in fact, anyone does read this) doesn't think this is going to be all serious with intellectual discussion and poetry unveilings. It's not. While I hope that what I write about is done in a way that is somewhat intellectual, most of my posts won't be on intellectual topics. To put it simply: I'm a total pop-culture junkie. So I will be discussing music, television, movies, and even the coverage of such things. Oh, I'm not limiting myself to those topics, I'm just giving examples. I may write about politics now and then, but be forewarned, I can get pretty passionate (some would say livid) about such things, as well as general societal observations that I might make now and then. You might notice that there is no profile information either. I would like to reveal myself through the writing here, and, let's face it, a little mystery is a good thing anyway.

As for the name of the blog, well it was what is probably a poorly chosen play on words (see, like I said, I need to tune-up my writing). It isn't exactly untrue, however, in that I am definitely someone who would have to be classified as a disestablishmentarian. Don't know what that is? Look it up with this handy reference: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/disestablishmentarian

With every post, I'm going to recommend a song to download. Of course, my taste in music isn't going to be everyone's cup of tea, but maybe someone will come along and find something here and there that he or she might like and decide to check it out. After all, trying to find decent music today is like looking for a needle in a haystack. Often I won't make any comment about the selection, I'll just have it listed at the end. I like all kinds of music, which is a big reason I can't really listen to radio anymore. Every station is so narrow in it's music selection. I need variety! That being said, I do gravitate a lot towards music that makes my booty shake. I'm not going to get into how you download, but legally might be preferable I think. Anyway, my first selection may be familiar because it's on the iPod commercial that's played every 5 minutes. After getting the section in the commercial stuck in my head, I had to find it. I did and now I listen to it repeatedly. It has sunk it's musical claws into my little brain and won't let go. Oh, and check out the video if you get a chance. Fun! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8Z-DIAthbM

To anyone who was bored enough to read this, I'd like to say thank you. Or sorry. It's up to you which one I guess.

Recommended song download: 1234 - Feist

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