Kissed off!

If anyone has perused this blog at all, they know that I'm a fan of the Luke and Noah story on As the World Turns on CBS. Recently, the show had a special Valentine's Day "what-if" episode where every featured couple (and a few characters who weren't even a couple) kissed as any couple in love might do on Valentine's day. Well, almost every couple kissed. Luke and Noah did not. They had a cute little vignette of their own, which was nice enough, but then it ended with a hug. That didn't even bother me that much because it actually made some sort of sense in the context of their story. The problem is that, earlier in the episode in "real-life" (as opposed to the "what-if"), the boys had yet another near-kiss in a long line of near-kisses, leading some to hope that they were saving it for their what-if segment, only to be denied once again. What was even more ridiculous was that it was out-and-proud Luke who pulled away when some anonymous extra walked by.

I and many other fans are getting sick of all the missed kisses. They had the one mega-hyped kiss before the boys were even an actual couple, and then the show clearly backed off from any such displays. They had one more very short kiss that was interrupted by Noah's psycho father, and then nothing else of the mouth-to mouth variety. Only recently have they even begun to hug. After the Christmas incident where the camera panned to the mistletoe when the boys were going in for the smooch, the show seems intent on alienating many of the story's fans by indulging in similar kiss-avoiding tactics. Some fans have already given up viewing the show according to various posts on various websites. Many more are hanging by a thread according to their posts. Fans of the storyline have gone so far as to send copious amounts of Hershey's kisses to The Powers That Be (TPTB) in hopes that they might get the message. More recently, they've started a media campaign where they are contacting media outlets to hopefully bring some attention to the shameful handling of the story. A few outlets have responded and produced articles, usually with inaccuracies or only telling part of the story.

Despite the belief of some that the whole brouhaha is all about a prurient interest in only seeing two hot boys kiss, that is not the case. Oh, sure, a lot of people would like to see hot boys kiss, but there is much more to the situation than that. The main issue is the discriminatory treatment of the storyline, which seems to suggest that there is something horribly wrong with two guys in love showing their affection with each other honestly. The other issue, which isn't as important in a broader social context but should be very important to TPTB, is a lack of credibility in the story.

Not allowing Luke and Noah to kiss when appropriate sends a very discriminatory message to those watching the show. Every tease and every non-kiss says that the show can't portray the boys' relationship in an honest fashion because someone somewhere might not like it and that gay relationships are somehow less valid than others. It sends a very disturbing message that homophobes should be catered to, and it is outright insulting to gays. Can you imagine if they did this with racists? What if the show said that they can't portray an interracial couple honestly because they have to take all of their viewers into consideration? There would be one huge firestorm, that's what would happen. Yet, that's exactly what they do with the gay storyline. A spokesman has said repeatedly that they have to take all of their viewers into consideration, which translates to, "We have to cave to the homophobes." If they said what equaled to "We have to cave to the racists," would those people have their jobs for very long? The fact that there are people out there with these kinds of views makes it even more important that the show be honest in its portrayal of this story, because, as silly as it sounds, something like this can change minds. And, really, if these people continue to have a problem with two people being in love but don't have a problem with the adulterers, pornographers, murderers, prostitutes and drug addicts on the show, should anyone really place that much importance on their views in the first place?

The other problem with the inept treatment of the boys' affection is that it really hurts the story and, thus, the show. The kiss avoidance has become a distraction more than anything. The first time I saw a scene with an obviously missing kiss, I thought, "Okay, whatever," and went on with the show. However, when a second time and a third time and a fourth time occurred, it was hard to focus on the story and give it much credence since these two young guys were not acting like two people who were absolutely crazy about each other. The problem is only exacerbated when their segments are juxtaposed with those of their straight counterparts who are diving down each others' throats and jumping on each other in elevators and cars. What makes it even worse is that Luke and Noah are just about the most stable couple on the show right now. They are one of the few couples who aren't scheming against each other, cheating on each other, blaming each other for a myriad of problems or lying to each other. If anyone should be kissing as a display of their coupledom, it's them.

I think one mistake is that TPTB think that this is only an issue for gay fans. This is not the case at all. Polls on the most popular fansites for the couple show that a majority of fans are actually female, and most of them young ones. In other words, they are the exact demographic that the show supposedly values. Also, the ratings have improved since Luke and Noah began their story. How much they have helped with the ratings may be uncertain, but they definitely haven't hurt them, making the skittishness appear even sillier.

The blame seems to lie squarely with Procter & Gamble, which produces the show. It's Procter & Gamble that keeps beating around the bush when confronted with questions about the story. It's Procter & Gamble that makes the statements about considering the entire audience. CBS, on the other hand, has made a very straightforward statement about doing nothing to censor the story's content. It seems obvious to many that they wanted all of the glory of including a gay couple on the show, with none of the responsibility of portraying it accurately and honestly. It is 2008. I, frankly, vacillate between being angry with TPTB and embarrassed for them because they seem to be stuck in the 1980's. Watching them trying to deal with this story is sometimes like watching your grandpa trying to figure out how to work an iPhone in a public place while loudly professing his confusion about it. I can turn on an episode of Brothers & Sisters and see men kissing with no problem. If I were Procter & Gamble, I'd be more careful about the message I'm sending, because if its ideas and views are outdated, then what are we to think of its products that they use their soaps to push? It's very dangerous for any company to appear to be obsolete, but that's the message that seems to be getting broadcast.

So, to the fans out there, keep sending kisses, letters, and emails. I've sent a few myself and will probably send a few more before it's over and done. Also keep watching as long as you can, but know that I and many others don't begrudge you at all for throwing in the towel if you just can't stomach the dishonesty anymore. Some of us will just begrudge TPTB that much more for alienating you in the first place.

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Today's recommended download is my favorite song ever, so, hopefully, you'll excuse the fact that it's a bit long in the tooth. I figured that I had to put it on here at some point. Actually, let me take the opportunity to say that there will be no rules for my recommended songs. I'm free to recommend new ones, old ones, alternate versions, songs that were popular, and songs that didn't get enough attention. After all, it is my blog which no one is probably reading anyway. Now that that's out of the way....

Recommended song download: Proud Mary - Tina Turner

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Contrition, Resolution, and Other Fun Diversions

I've been a bad, bad boy. I've been careless with a delicate blog. (Thank you, Fiona Apple, wherever you are!) I have completely neglected my little corner of the Internet. I've recently discovered that a few people have actually read the things that I've written here. More surprisingly, they seemed to like it! So, I have taken it upon myself to rev this baby back up. Oh, I'm not going to come charging out of the gate and post every day. I have to start slow. I don't want to sprain anything! My new New Year's resolution is to post at least one new entry on here a month. And, yes, this one counts for January. I'm not saying that I won't post more frequently than that, but that is the absolute minimum acceptable. So, I'm sorry, dear blog, if I haven't given you the attention that you deserve. I promise to be more attentive in the future. Please forgive me.

Now, there is a reason that I haven't been writing so much on here. I have started writing a novel. Yes, I am finally writing the novel that I have dreamed of writing all of my life. I also post here and there on Internet forums. So, I have other writing outlets, and that was the original purpose for this blog. However, I've decided to change that purpose and make this blog an escape instead of an outlet. I'll use it to escape my outlets, since those outlets have begun to consume me somewhat. Well, I will not be consumed! I have to show that novel who's boss! (Hopefully, it's me.)

And so, I now move in a brave new direction of insignificant observations on often insignificant topics on a somewhat regular basis! Now there's a slogan! And, no, Fox News, you can't use it.

Recommended song download: Satellites (Electro Mix Short) - September

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More entertainment and more Nuke

Here's the second part of the Luke and Noah Story in music video form as presented by me. And for some insight into why the Luke and Noah storyline resonates with me so much, here is a post that I made on a forum that I frequent (cleaned up a bit) in response to why I like Noah:

The reason I like Noah is the same reason that I fell for the story in the first place: I used to be a guy like Luke in love with a Noah. For a while, there were a lot of similarities between their story and mine. When I was in college, I met a boy. He was tall, good-looking, and from a strict, religious family. At first, I didn't even like him! Then we became friends, and then I fell head-over-heels in love with him. I knew that I was gay by this point although I hadn't come out to anyone. So basically I was torturing myself for a while because I thought it could never be (much like Luke did with Noah early on). I can't even tell you the horrible things I thought about myself, because I thought I was betraying someone who trusted me by having these feelings.

The funny thing is that even though he lived openly as a totally straight guy and dated girls, I still got this vibe off of him, but I would often discount it as wishful thinking. And other people would say things. Our "Maddie" (a friend of mine that even looked a lot like her, they were never really boyfriend/girlfriend, but did date for a bit, and she was always around, interrupting at what seemed to be very inopportune times) made a remark once about how the only person she'd ever seen him flirt with was me. And this was before she knew about me or him. Then sometime during this period, I came out to my best friend and roommate at the time (who was absolutely WONDERFUL about everything). He could read me like a book (he was even pretty sure that I was gay before I told him), and one night, he told me that it was obvious to him that I was crazy about this guy. And then he said something even more shocking to me than that: he thought that the guy was into me, too. He said that sometimes when we were all hanging out together and the guy and I started goofing around, he felt like he should leave the room! Anyway, I eventually came out to all my friends, including this guy. And he was very cool with it, even though he had acted previously like being gay wasn't a very cool thing.

Sometime later, something huge happened. I happened to catch sight of the guy....um...enjoying himself....to....um.....a gay film of a certain kind. Well, I confronted him and he confessed things to me. Like how he would find guys on the Internet and hook up with them for fun (which was sort of humiliating, because it turned out that he was more experienced than me, the out gay guy). He still insisted that he wasn't gay, however. He dated girls and wanted to find one with whom to settle down and start a family. Girls were for something serious, guys were just for fun. This was not good news for me, because as it happened, he actually had feelings for me, so, therefore, according to his warped logic he could never be with me, because then it would mean something and THEN he would be gay. (Don't bother trying to figure it out, I gave up a LONG time ago.) There were embraces and even a kiss here and there, but we could never really be together because of what he believed.

So then there was this period of pushing and pulling, which actually began even before either one of us knew about the other now that I think about it. I would basically kick him out of my life for something he'd do which I'd blow out of proportion, because I knew that what was happening was not healthy and we were probably better off apart. But he would always come begging and pleading to me to forgive him and let him back in. Of course, because of the way I felt, I did. I always did. But he had a problem with lying. It was basically second nature to him, because he had to lie about so much of his life all the time. I just didn't like it when he lied to me. And I always knew or found out and I would always call him on it. He said that I was the only one who could ever really see through him, and I was the only one who knew the truth about him, so even he couldn't explain why he would lie to me about things. Anyway, after one more round of him begging me to forgive him and let him back in, I made him promise not to lie to me ever again. And he lied to me 5 minutes later (no exaggeration). And, like always, I knew it. That was it, I couldn't do it anymore. So, I did something horrible to completely alienate him, so he wouldn't come begging again, and it worked. (God, I just realized how much this part of my life sounds like a damn soap.)

I was pretty much shattered afterwards. I went to grad school and made a wonderful group of friends that reaffirmed my faith in humanity and really helped me to heal. About 2 years after that whole episode, we chatted for a bit, and we both seemed to let bygones be bygones and caught up a bit, but we were both on our way in different directions in life, so that was the last time we talked. So you see, we never actually got to be together like Luke and Noah, even though there was definitely something there. But, then again, that whole saga lasted a lot longer than their similar period did. I think even Luke would have completely given up after that long. The sad thing is that I've never felt about anyone since the way I did about him. I've had boyfriends that I've liked, but nothing even close to what I felt for him. I sometimes think about him and know now (being older and wiser) that there were probably other ways of going about things, but it's all water under the bridge.

Then I come upon this story, and I tell you, some of the scenes between Luke and Noah were so similar to scenes between us that it was just scary. I wanted to know who was using my life for soap material! And Noah reminded me of him, and those bittersweet memories came back. And poor well-meaning Luke reminded me of me (although he was admittedly a LOT cuter). And as a gay man, having such a story that seemed ripped from my life in mainstream entertainment was such a unique experience. Seriously, I never come across anything I can REALLY relate to as a gay man in mainstream media. I could relate to this story completely (at least until they actually got together). So it may not be a good enough answer to some, but the reason I like Noah is because he reminds me so much of the one that got away.

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A word now about this week's recommended download. I have been greatly enjoying the show, Pushing Daisies, and Kristin Chenoweth who portrays Olive. Kristin was the original Galinda/Glinda in the Broadway production of Wicked in which she performed the tune "Popular." It's an enjoyable little ditty that has been one of my favorite songs of the past few years. I know that not everyone is into show tunes, but I recommend that everyone give this a spin to see if it's their cup of tea. And check out Kristin on Pushing Daisies if you get a chance. She broke out into "Hopelessly Devoted to You" a few weeks ago, and it was magnificent!

Recommended song download: Popular - Kristin Chenoweth (from the Original Broadway production of Wicked)

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Just a little entertainment

This is a little video that I made while I was bored. It pairs up the Luke and Noah saga, about which I've already written, with Feist's "1, 2, 3, 4".

I'm hoping to get back to writing on here, but nothing is tickling my writing fancy right now as far as the blog goes. To be honest, I've actually got an idea for a story to write. I don't know if it will be a novel, a play, or a short story, but I've been developing it, and it's coming along nicely. The biggest hurdle up to this point was to figure out how it would start, and I think I've finally got it. So, hopefully, I'll be off and running on that. I don't really want to give away any details because it's about something about which I've never seen anything written. Oh, I'm sure someone has written about something similar, but I've never seen it, and it's not something you see on every shelf, every stage, or every screen. So I'm a bit excited and a bit trepidatious to be honest. I probably put too much pressure on myself over these things, since there's a good chance that no one else will ever see them, but if I'm going to put this much time and effort into something I just want it to be good. And I am my toughest critic, so it's got to be really good to make me think I wasn't wasting my time.

Recommended song download: Mesmerized (Freemasons Radio Edit) - Faith Evans

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Golden Oldies

So at the risk of making myself seem like even more of a dork than I already have, I am going to write about my favorite television show ever. So what classic ranks at the top of my list? Of all of the television shows I've ever seen, nothing compares to the hilarity of The Golden Girls. When I think of Blanche, Rose, Dorothy, and Sophia, I become filled with the the warm fuzzies. They remind me of my childhood, when I absolutely had to watch them every Saturday. They also remind me of my late grandmother who would often watch me watch them and cackle gleefully at my gleeful cackling. And believe it or not, Rose reminds me of a wonderful friend of mine from Minnesota, who is sometimes so much like Rose that it's scary. Beyond the memories associated with the show, the good times that seem to be had by the girls themselves are enough to keep me watching again and again.

My favorite girl has changed countless times over the years. As a child, I absolutely adored Sophia, or "that crazy old lady" as I referred to her at the time. Her wisecracks and her stories that always began with the words "picture it" kept me amused to no end and still do to a surprising degree. As I got older and began to watch the reruns, Dorothy became my favorite with her dry wit and sarcasm. She reminded me of me to a large degree, and still does really. I've always got a smart remark for family and friends, and I'm usually considered to be "the intelligent one." A little later, however, I entered my wild phase, staying out all night and ending up in more than one bed. Of course, Blanche then became my favorite and the one with which I most identified. I'll just say it: she was a slut and so was I. Although I do have some fond memories from that time and sometimes think about revisiting the past, I'm mostly glad that I'm as boring as I am today. A little of that kind of living goes a long way. So that brings me to Rose. Although funny in her own way with her St. Olaf stories and wide-eyed innocence, she is a bit of a fuddy-duddy who finds joy in some very mundane things. That is basically me today. I can't guarantee I'll stay there, however. I, like life, and like the world, am constantly changing. I may revert to a previous incarnation or I may grow in a new and unexpected way that brings me back to being a disciple of one of the other girls. One thing I do know is that I'll keep watching the show (especially as I've shelled out good money for the DVDs) and enjoying it. Finally, although they'll probably never see this, I'd like to give a heartfelt thanks to those wonderful actresses, and everyone else who brought the show to life, for bringing a little life to what shows on my television. It's been over twenty years since it's debut, and I still enjoy getting on the ride again and again like a favorite roller coaster at a favorite amusement park.

Recommended song download: Chelsea - Stefy

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Addiction Pt. 2

Yes, there is yet another thing of which I can't get enough. I guess I just have an addictive personality, getting hooked on these things so easily. No, I'm not talking about drugs. Sure, I've tried a few things, but I never really understood the whole drug thing. They never seemed to do anything for me, and I never felt like I had to do it again. In fact, I always felt like I never needed to do that again. Alcohol can be nice, but I don't drink that much. I have a very fine line between being drunk and feeling good and being drunk and praying to the porcelain god. Unfortunately, I'm not very good at recognizing that line, so I now keep drinking to a minimum. No my great vice is a computer game of the MMO variety. And, no, it is not World of Warcraft. I'd rather play a game as Paris Hilton (blech) than an elf or whatever the hell else you can be on there. My other addiction right now is City of Heroes/City of Villains (supposedly stand alone games, but really two sides of the same game). Worse, I am a total altoholic. For those that don't know, an altoholic is someone who can't just play one character and enjoy the game but has to make character after character (or alts as they're known). In this game creating other characters is especially addictive because it has the best character customization in the industry, at least as far as appearance goes. You can play as a superhero (City of Heroes) or a supervillain (City of Villains, duh). You can also choose from plenty of powers (and the developers have recently announced that more are coming, so I have to make even MORE characters now). This game appealed to me from the start because I am a long-time fan of comics and the whole world of superheroes and supervillains. It continues to appeal to me because it's just a blast to play. Depending on your mood, you can solo or team with other players. When I originally started, I was a total soloer, as I usually am in real life (I just prefer to not interact with people anymore than I have to, not to sound bitchy or anything). Then I started teaming and found the challenge of working with others and devising the best ways to use our combinations of powers enjoyable. I've been playing the game for more than 15 months now, and that's not counting a break I took for several months. I decided to come back and found so many new things to do and more being added all the time. I consciously work on not playing it too much, though, and I make sure that I spend time with the people that I should and doing the things that I need to do, as well as doing other things that I enjoy (check the previous post). But there is no denying that part of me wants to play 24/7! I think it's that kid inside who used to read the comics and dreamed about being someone just like the characters that I play in the game. Damn kid.

Recommended song download: Stand Back (Tracy Takes You Home Radio) - Stevie Nicks

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