Luke and Noah: Does Anyone Care Anymore?

So, yeah, according to Monday's preview, Luke and Noah will be on As the World Turns today. Do I even have to mention that they are still celibate? For a while, I was dealing with the crappy way this show treats the characters and the fans by making fun of it. Now, it seems to have gotten too pathetic to even do that. Recently, there was a spoiler released saying that the couple would move to another stage in their relationship. Fans waited and nothing happened. Supposedly, the spoiler referred to Noah asking Luke on a date, as if they've never dated. To add insult to injury, the date ended up as a double date with Luke's granny, so, apparently, they can only go on chaperoned dates now. Yeah, that would be a new stage, although a very disturbing one.

The people behind this show are dishonest and obviously think very little of the fans. As much as I want to support Van Hansis and Jake Silbermann, who do a terrific job with what they're given in the roles, it's getting harder and harder to justify supporting anything about this show run by people with nothing but disdain for their audience. It's also getting harder to justify buying anything that Procter & Gamble makes, since they are the company behind the show. Personally, I'm planning to stop buying several Procter & Gamble products. I don't want these people to get my money or my viewership, which is why I'll only be watching on YouTube if I do continue to follow their story. If you care, there are clips after the click from the last episode with the couple and a preview for today. I honestly don't know how long I'll continue to cover them like this, as I just feel pretty disgusted with the whole thing right now.

Clips from August 20:





Preview for Tuesday:

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Luke and Noah: Back in the Closet?

Luke and Noah, the still-celibate gay couple on As the World Turns, will be on today, and the new director of Luke's charity will recommend that Luke tone it down with Noah because the non-profit world can be pretty conservative. Of course, if they tone it down any more, they'll practically be family instead of "family." Then again, on this show, that would mean they could sleep together. Which reminds me: Liberty and Parker alert! Drink lots of coffee before watching and you should be okay. Clips from the last episode can be seen after the click.

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Luke and Noah: Together Again

If Granny Lu gets some before me, I'm gonna cut a bitch!

Luke and Noah, the ever-celibate gay couple on As the World Turns, will actually be together today after a week of banishment (possibly for thinking about having sex) for Luke and two weeks in homo limbo for Noah. Yes, they will be a pair once again working together to avoid any kind of behavior that would indicate that they are any more than roommates who kiss every once in a while. Apparently, they will be celebrating the beginning of Luke's foundation that will help sick children (a cause chosen because they couldn't think of anything more vague). Luke's grandmother will bring in a guy to help manage the foundation, and he is possibly a romantic interest for her, as well. That's right, with the way this show works, Luke's grandma will probably be getting more action than he will. After the click, you can watch clips from Luke's last episode a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, where gay couples don't have sex.

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Where Art Thou, Noah?

If I don't have sex soon, I'm gonna open up a can on someone!

Word is that Luke will be back on As the World Turns today to try to convince his mother to give her marriage another try after working on his dad yesterday. Once again, Noah will be nowhere to be found. Hopefully, he's stocking up on supplies for Luke's Grand Opening. After the click, you can find the Luke scenes from yesterday's show. All two minutes of them.

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Luke Goes Noahless Today

Word is that Luke will appear on As the World Turns today to try to help his parents mend their marriage. Noah is expected to be missing in action this week. No, he didn't change his mind (again) about joining the Army. He just won't be on the show. The one good thing about Luke not having his man around is that it won't be so obvious that they're living the lives of celibate monks at the Snyder monastery farm. After the click, there are clips of scenes from the last Luke and Noah episode with Luke being absolutely dorkalicious. I'm beginning to think Van Hansis isn't human with the way he actually makes a lot of this watchable. Or maybe the acting fairy just sprinkled him with extra fairy dust.

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Luke and Noah: A Celebration of Celibacy

Due to being ridiculously busy last week, I actually missed posting about a day that Luke and Noah, the ever celibate gay couple, appeared on As the World Turns. On that day, Luke and Noah agreed to (GASP!) not have sex. Meanwhile across town, Luke's 15-year-old cousin was losing his virginity to a girl that he's known for a couple of months. The actor in that little scenario is 15. The actress is 21. This viewer is thoroughly disgusted. Luke and Noah will be on again today, most certainly not getting any action. There are clips after the click of the past two episodes involving Luke and/or Noah. And to anyone who was holding their breath until Luke and Noah had sex, I'm sorry I missed your funeral.















Don't mention gay sex! You'll make God cry!

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Luke and Noah vs. Carly and Holden

Luke and Noah, the sexless gay couple on As the World Turns, will come across yet another couple that has had sex repeatedly after getting together long after the boys did. Yes, Luke will discover that his father, Holden, has been schtupping his mother's best friend, Carly. Will he be sad? Will he be angry? Will he even know what that means? Well, we'll find out today, and, unlike Wednesday, Noah will be tagging along. Speaking of Wednesday, after the jump you can see a clip of Luke's scenes interspersed with some Holden and Carly drama. I smell a tag-team cage match in the works!

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Luke (and Noah?) Today

Surprisingly, Luke will apparently appear on today's As the World Turns. He appeared in a scene with his mother (UnLily, as some call her, including me) on Tuesday's preview for today's show. I don't know if Noah will be around or not as I didn't expect them to appear again until Friday. One thing of which I am pretty sure is that they won't have sex. Just in case their story does go forward, I've got a clip of Monday's show to help catch up after the jump.



If you ever need to catch up or relive the good times (which you have to go back a ways for), check out LukeVanFan's channel on YouTube.

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A New Day for Luke and Noah

When we last left Luke and Noah on As the World Turns, they were reunited after Noah decided it wouldn't be a good idea to join the Army. He apparently came to this conclusion after realizing that the writers had to be smoking crack when they decided that he should enlist in the first place. Today, the boys are set to embark on a new story. Maybe it'll involve them finally getting some action, although I doubt it, since young gay guys in committed relationships apparently don't have sex in whatever universe this show exists. After the jump, you can catch up with last week's episode and hope, like the rest of us, that the crapfest is over and the new direction will be reminiscent of the glory days.

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Nuke Day

Everyone's favorite (and the only) gay American soap couple, Luke and Noah, will be on As the World Turns today. In case you missed it last week, the guys were visited by one of my favorite artists, Cyndi Lauper. Appearing as herself, she performed "Into the Nightlife" and "True Colors" and also had a few scenes with the guys. The Emmy-winning actress more than held her own. If you missed it and would like to catch up, you can see the wonderful LukeVanFan's clips of the episode after the jump.








There was also a bonus Luke appearance the next day. Just to get you all caught up, here it is:



I don't have all the specifics, but I expect the aftermath of Ameera story to be over this week. The sooner they get away from anything to do with her storyline the better it will be for everyone.

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There Is Much Joy in Nukeville Today

It's been reported this week that Tala Ashe, the actress who portrays Ameera on As the World Turns, has been released from the show. I've heard that Tala is a very nice girl and it's normally not a pleasant thing when a nice person loses his or her job, but I am thoroughly thrilled by this announcement. I'll detail why that is and my exact feelings about the show and the Luke and Noah storyline after the jump.

Ameera was nothing more than a plot device introduced to keep Luke and Noah from getting their swerve on. It's been obvious from day one and it still is today. It didn't help that the writers never developed Ameera. They never allowed us to know her at all and never made her into an actual character. She has remained a walking, talking plot device throughout the story and never grew into anything more. Viewers were never given an opportunity to actually care about her. We were given reasons that we should care about her (dead mother, life in danger if she goes back to Iraq), but those were external reasons that were shoved down our throats. Ameera never gave us a reason to care about her herself. When there is no character there, there is no character about which to care.

I feel sorry for Tala, because none of this was really her fault. The writing was absolutely lousy. Ameera was introduced with one goal in mind: keep Luke and Noah apart. They never seemed to have any idea what to do with her beyond that. They quickly threw her into a marriage with Noah that made absolutely no sense and didn't bother to write any actual story. Luke and Noah couldn't truly be together simply because she was there. When the writers had Ameera actually try to seduce Noah, it destroyed any chance whatsoever that we could feel any sympathy for her. Luke had sacrificed so much for her, and his family had given her absolutely everything. It was absolutely reprehensible for her to do that. That's when the writers made the biggest mistake of the whole story: they didn't treat it like a big deal even though it was an absolutely detestable thing to do. Ameera faced no repercussions and Luke laughed it off. At this point, Ameera and the story became absolutely irredeemable. Everything that followed was illogical, contrived, and just plain stupid. It didn't help that everyone seemed to be acting out of character and tolerating things that no sane person would tolerate.

Honestly, it amazes me that someone could do their jobs as badly as the writers and producer of the show do their jobs and still get paid for it. If everyone I know performed their jobs this badly, they wouldn't be working for very long. There are apparently two areas where you can be absolutely horrible at your job and continue to get paid: entertainment and politics.

I'm not just basing this on Luke and Noah either. This week, for the first time in a while, I actually watched whole episodes of the show, and it's overall quality has dropped like George Michael's pants in a park. I don't think it's a coincidence that the show has been hemorrhaging viewers in recent weeks.

It's really sad that we've finally gotten over the whole non-kissing controversy only to have the boys stuck in this debacle of a storyline. I only demand two things for Luke and Noah: they do what couples actually do and they get a decent storyline. Now I know that maybe I shouldn't be too picky because for a while they didn't have either. Now that they're kissing again, one of those areas has improved, although it's still ridiculous that guys that age that have been together that long aren't going at it like bunnies. Unfortunately, the fact that they are kissing again only shines a spotlight on just how truly horrible their story is right now.

Recommended song download: Heartbeat - Madonna

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Tune In Next Week!

At the beginning of the year I resolved to post at least once a month. I’ve successfully kept the resolution and am looking forward to many more posts. What’s that? I just posted last week? That’s right, I did! Did I forget? Am I finally losing what little I have left of my mind? What is this madness? Well, let me start by assuring you that I am in full possession of my faculties (or at least in as much possession of my faculties as I have ever been while writing here).

I want to welcome everyone to a new and exciting phase of this blog’s life. But before I get into that too much, let me tell you how it all began! I was pondering deep philosophical questions that affect the very foundation of our lives on this planet as I often do, when I presented myself with a worrisome query, “Whatever are those two people who read my blog doing all these weeks in between my postings?” I immediately fell into a state of panic as realization hit me! Those poor things! They must have been suffering tremendously without a more reliable stream of worthless opinions presented through hackneyed writing! I was sure that in between my monthly ramblings they had devoured everything else new on the Internet, leaving them listless and questioning the value of their own lives. Well, I was having none of that! I was going to provide them with the sustenance that their hungry minds required! Thus, I made an important decision, the impact of which historians will be debating for centuries to come I’m sure. I was going to feed them a more steady supply of insignificant observations on often-unimportant topics! That’s right, I’m going weekly!

So, you poor, neglected readers out there won’t have to go weeks without a heaping helping of tedium anymore! No longer will you have to question whether or not you should go on living not knowing when you’d get your next dose of irrelevant reflections on things about which you probably don’t care! Once a week, I’ll be here for you! What you do with the rest of the week is your problem.

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TIDBITS

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Madonna’s new album, Hard Candy, was released this past Tuesday. Being a fan, I purchased it as soon as I could and put it on an infinite loop as I do every new Madonna release. I was especially excited after really enjoying “4 Minutes” after expecting not to with Justin Timberlake and Timbaland involved. Not that I have anything against those guys as I’ve enjoyed some of their work, but I just didn’t think they would be a good fit with Madonna, and the enterprise reeked of “selling out” to get some radio play. Well, I was pleasantly surprised and couldn’t wait for the album to drop expecting more pleasant surprises. Unfortunately, there weren’t many to be had. The rest of the album is pretty much what I expected before hearing “4 Minutes.” This is the first Madonna album with which I’ve been really disappointed. Frankly, I think that this is the worst album of her career. Of course, that’s not saying that much considering how consistently she has put out quality material for the past 25 years. The album isn’t really bad; it’s just a bit blah. Many of the tracks seem to be percussive exercises that end up being totally forgettable and include that most annoying of trends where producers have to pipe up on every tune. Can’t these people just produce? Frankly, much of the album is just the kind of thing that I stopped listening to radio to escape. There are a few decent tracks, all of which are at the beginning of the album. In addition to “4 Minutes,” tracks worth giving a spin are “Candy Shop,” “Give It 2 Me,” and “Heartbeat.” “She’s Not Me” would be a pretty good choice as well, but it’s about two minutes too long in my opinion. If it happens to be released as a single, hopefully it will get an edit, which would be an improvement. The other seven tracks range from mediocre to just plain bad (I’d recommend avoiding “Spanish Lesson” at all costs). One problem is that some of the songs sound like other works by other artists. “Incredible” sounds like a Gwen Stefani castoff, “Devil Wouldn’t Recognize You” sounds like Justin Timberlake’s “What Goes Around…Comes Around” and "Cry Me a River," and other tracks sound like they came off of a N.E.R.D. album. Much of Hard Candy just doesn’t feel like Madonna, and, ultimately, Madonna is the reason that I buy the albums.

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Although the Luke and Noah story on As the World Turns got nowhere fast this week, with Luke moving in and out faster than you could say "Astroglide" and the guys getting less screen time than pretty much anyone else, there was some good news when the Daytime Emmy nominations were revealed. Van Hansis (Luke) was nominated for Outstanding Younger Actor in a Drama Series. Honestly, his performance is what has made the Luke and Noah story bearable in the rough patches of bad writing (although even he hasn’t been able to fully overcome this Ameera debacle). Although he should definitely win, I’m not too optimistic with the new voting system in effect this year where there is only one vote that determines the nominees and winners. In other words, if Van Hansis wasn’t the lead vote getter when the nominations were announced, he didn’t win. There were also reports of many voters not watching the tapes that they were supposed to. The Academy needs to drastically overhaul the rules for next year. He was already robbed last year when he should have won for his poignant performance during Luke’s coming-out story. I’m afraid that this system will only contribute to another undeserved award for someone else, especially since many of the acting nominees this year are questionable choices and deserve to be nowhere near an award.

Recommended Song Download: Funplex - The B-52's

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We Are Family, You Are Not

After a scare this week with my mother spending a few days in the hospital, I reflected upon how lucky I am to have her in my life and her love, acceptance, and support. Despite my complaints at times, she’s been a very good mother, and although I may not be perfect, I’ve tried to be a loving and supportive son. That’s what family is about after all, being there for each other with love and support. Or at least that’s what it means to me. Some others, however, seem to have a different view.

There are groups out there using the word “family” in their names and their mission statements, yet their actions seem to have no real regard for families. They are thinly-veiled hate groups out to eradicate homosexuals, homosexuality, and the dreaded “homosexual agenda” (which I have yet to see as I must not rank high enough in the homosexual organization to which we all supposedly belong with the apparent goal of world domination). They often assault companies with threats of boycotts if they do something even slightly gay-friendly because they are supposedly anti-family by doing so. Last time I checked, a lot of homosexuals were family members and others were members of families of homosexuals, which means (gasp!) that homosexuals must be a part of many families. To produce rhetoric encouraging people to reject those that might be a part of their families, these organizations are essentially espousing views that could tear families apart. Encouraging views that could lead to families casting out their own or to family members doing something drastic like committing suicide seems very anti-family to me.

Frankly, the fact that these people hate gays is actually much less offensive to me than their use of the word “family” as some sort of defense for their actions and as a weapon for attacking others. If I were a heterosexual with a family, I would be offended that these people would presume to speak for me and offended by the notion that hate is a family value that I should embrace. They also like to spout off about “family values” a lot, which I find to be absolutely ridiculous. Show me a hundred different families and I’ll show you a hundred different sets of values. The very suggestion that all families have or should have the same set of values is frighteningly Orwellian in nature. These people often claim to be patriots as well, but their views that everyone should live their lives within their strict boundaries and believe what they do is antithetical to the freedoms about which Americans are often quick to boast.

You’ll notice that I haven’t named any of these groups, and I won’t. They get far too much publicity as it is. Reputable companies have figured out that these groups are, to borrow a phrase from Shakespeare, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. To actually entertain thoughts of bowing to their pressure is to risk credibility. Yet, we still hear about these groups in the media and from their opponents. The media just likes to stir the pot to make it appear that there is some controversy worth watching or reading about. Many opponents think that we have to counteract their efforts. Frankly, I think these groups are worthy of nothing but being ignored. As for counteracting them, that would imply that we are somehow on the same level, just on different sides of an issue. I NEVER want to be considered to be on the same level as these people. I won’t lower myself to that.

I am gay. I am family. I am a son, a grandson, a cousin, and a nephew. Other gays are sons, grandsons, cousins, and nephews, as well as daughters, granddaughters, nieces, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, and even grandmothers and grandfathers. To be told that we are anti-family is an insult of the highest degree as well as completely erroneous. We ARE family! These groups’ efforts to tear our families apart through hateful propaganda betray their pro-family façade and reveal them to be the ones who are anti-family. Family is not about hate and rejection. Family is about love and acceptance. Those are the family values that I learned.

After the click: Luke and Noah and Madonna's new album.

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On a somewhat related note, Luke and Noah on As the World Turns were allowed to kiss this week after not being allowed to do so for seven months. (You can see it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dd9xCntVqc4.) They engaged in a big, wet, sloppy one one day and had an affectionate peck the next. Now, I have actually stopped watching the show because I was tired of the insulting way that the show was handling these guys. I have not returned to watching the show, however, because I need to know that they will be handled better CONSISTENTLY. I'm keeping my ear to the ground, and if it appears that the show is indeed consistent in its improved treatment of the couple, then I will gladly return. I'm just a little gun shy after being betrayed by the show far too often. Recent statements from a producer and publicists for the show do not instill confidence in me, however, since their complete lack of honesty and/or an ability to grasp the reality of the way that they've been handling the couple are about as insulting as anything that I've seen on the show.

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For any Madonna fans out there, her new album, Hard Candy, drops April 29. It includes the infectious first single, "4 Minutes," which features Justin Timberlake and Timbaland. I actually didn't want to like this song as I felt that she was sort of selling out by putting JT and Tim on there, but damn if it isn't catchy! You can watch the video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9ciR9qR1dU. It's fun AND disturbing, but I wouldn't expect anything less.

Recommended song download: You Should Be Dancing (Jason Bentley/Philip Steir Remix) - Bee Gees

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Kissed off!

If anyone has perused this blog at all, they know that I'm a fan of the Luke and Noah story on As the World Turns on CBS. Recently, the show had a special Valentine's Day "what-if" episode where every featured couple (and a few characters who weren't even a couple) kissed as any couple in love might do on Valentine's day. Well, almost every couple kissed. Luke and Noah did not. They had a cute little vignette of their own, which was nice enough, but then it ended with a hug. That didn't even bother me that much because it actually made some sort of sense in the context of their story. The problem is that, earlier in the episode in "real-life" (as opposed to the "what-if"), the boys had yet another near-kiss in a long line of near-kisses, leading some to hope that they were saving it for their what-if segment, only to be denied once again. What was even more ridiculous was that it was out-and-proud Luke who pulled away when some anonymous extra walked by.

I and many other fans are getting sick of all the missed kisses. They had the one mega-hyped kiss before the boys were even an actual couple, and then the show clearly backed off from any such displays. They had one more very short kiss that was interrupted by Noah's psycho father, and then nothing else of the mouth-to mouth variety. Only recently have they even begun to hug. After the Christmas incident where the camera panned to the mistletoe when the boys were going in for the smooch, the show seems intent on alienating many of the story's fans by indulging in similar kiss-avoiding tactics. Some fans have already given up viewing the show according to various posts on various websites. Many more are hanging by a thread according to their posts. Fans of the storyline have gone so far as to send copious amounts of Hershey's kisses to The Powers That Be (TPTB) in hopes that they might get the message. More recently, they've started a media campaign where they are contacting media outlets to hopefully bring some attention to the shameful handling of the story. A few outlets have responded and produced articles, usually with inaccuracies or only telling part of the story.

Despite the belief of some that the whole brouhaha is all about a prurient interest in only seeing two hot boys kiss, that is not the case. Oh, sure, a lot of people would like to see hot boys kiss, but there is much more to the situation than that. The main issue is the discriminatory treatment of the storyline, which seems to suggest that there is something horribly wrong with two guys in love showing their affection with each other honestly. The other issue, which isn't as important in a broader social context but should be very important to TPTB, is a lack of credibility in the story.

Not allowing Luke and Noah to kiss when appropriate sends a very discriminatory message to those watching the show. Every tease and every non-kiss says that the show can't portray the boys' relationship in an honest fashion because someone somewhere might not like it and that gay relationships are somehow less valid than others. It sends a very disturbing message that homophobes should be catered to, and it is outright insulting to gays. Can you imagine if they did this with racists? What if the show said that they can't portray an interracial couple honestly because they have to take all of their viewers into consideration? There would be one huge firestorm, that's what would happen. Yet, that's exactly what they do with the gay storyline. A spokesman has said repeatedly that they have to take all of their viewers into consideration, which translates to, "We have to cave to the homophobes." If they said what equaled to "We have to cave to the racists," would those people have their jobs for very long? The fact that there are people out there with these kinds of views makes it even more important that the show be honest in its portrayal of this story, because, as silly as it sounds, something like this can change minds. And, really, if these people continue to have a problem with two people being in love but don't have a problem with the adulterers, pornographers, murderers, prostitutes and drug addicts on the show, should anyone really place that much importance on their views in the first place?

The other problem with the inept treatment of the boys' affection is that it really hurts the story and, thus, the show. The kiss avoidance has become a distraction more than anything. The first time I saw a scene with an obviously missing kiss, I thought, "Okay, whatever," and went on with the show. However, when a second time and a third time and a fourth time occurred, it was hard to focus on the story and give it much credence since these two young guys were not acting like two people who were absolutely crazy about each other. The problem is only exacerbated when their segments are juxtaposed with those of their straight counterparts who are diving down each others' throats and jumping on each other in elevators and cars. What makes it even worse is that Luke and Noah are just about the most stable couple on the show right now. They are one of the few couples who aren't scheming against each other, cheating on each other, blaming each other for a myriad of problems or lying to each other. If anyone should be kissing as a display of their coupledom, it's them.

I think one mistake is that TPTB think that this is only an issue for gay fans. This is not the case at all. Polls on the most popular fansites for the couple show that a majority of fans are actually female, and most of them young ones. In other words, they are the exact demographic that the show supposedly values. Also, the ratings have improved since Luke and Noah began their story. How much they have helped with the ratings may be uncertain, but they definitely haven't hurt them, making the skittishness appear even sillier.

The blame seems to lie squarely with Procter & Gamble, which produces the show. It's Procter & Gamble that keeps beating around the bush when confronted with questions about the story. It's Procter & Gamble that makes the statements about considering the entire audience. CBS, on the other hand, has made a very straightforward statement about doing nothing to censor the story's content. It seems obvious to many that they wanted all of the glory of including a gay couple on the show, with none of the responsibility of portraying it accurately and honestly. It is 2008. I, frankly, vacillate between being angry with TPTB and embarrassed for them because they seem to be stuck in the 1980's. Watching them trying to deal with this story is sometimes like watching your grandpa trying to figure out how to work an iPhone in a public place while loudly professing his confusion about it. I can turn on an episode of Brothers & Sisters and see men kissing with no problem. If I were Procter & Gamble, I'd be more careful about the message I'm sending, because if its ideas and views are outdated, then what are we to think of its products that they use their soaps to push? It's very dangerous for any company to appear to be obsolete, but that's the message that seems to be getting broadcast.

So, to the fans out there, keep sending kisses, letters, and emails. I've sent a few myself and will probably send a few more before it's over and done. Also keep watching as long as you can, but know that I and many others don't begrudge you at all for throwing in the towel if you just can't stomach the dishonesty anymore. Some of us will just begrudge TPTB that much more for alienating you in the first place.

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Today's recommended download is my favorite song ever, so, hopefully, you'll excuse the fact that it's a bit long in the tooth. I figured that I had to put it on here at some point. Actually, let me take the opportunity to say that there will be no rules for my recommended songs. I'm free to recommend new ones, old ones, alternate versions, songs that were popular, and songs that didn't get enough attention. After all, it is my blog which no one is probably reading anyway. Now that that's out of the way....

Recommended song download: Proud Mary - Tina Turner

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More entertainment and more Nuke

Here's the second part of the Luke and Noah Story in music video form as presented by me. And for some insight into why the Luke and Noah storyline resonates with me so much, here is a post that I made on a forum that I frequent (cleaned up a bit) in response to why I like Noah:

The reason I like Noah is the same reason that I fell for the story in the first place: I used to be a guy like Luke in love with a Noah. For a while, there were a lot of similarities between their story and mine. When I was in college, I met a boy. He was tall, good-looking, and from a strict, religious family. At first, I didn't even like him! Then we became friends, and then I fell head-over-heels in love with him. I knew that I was gay by this point although I hadn't come out to anyone. So basically I was torturing myself for a while because I thought it could never be (much like Luke did with Noah early on). I can't even tell you the horrible things I thought about myself, because I thought I was betraying someone who trusted me by having these feelings.

The funny thing is that even though he lived openly as a totally straight guy and dated girls, I still got this vibe off of him, but I would often discount it as wishful thinking. And other people would say things. Our "Maddie" (a friend of mine that even looked a lot like her, they were never really boyfriend/girlfriend, but did date for a bit, and she was always around, interrupting at what seemed to be very inopportune times) made a remark once about how the only person she'd ever seen him flirt with was me. And this was before she knew about me or him. Then sometime during this period, I came out to my best friend and roommate at the time (who was absolutely WONDERFUL about everything). He could read me like a book (he was even pretty sure that I was gay before I told him), and one night, he told me that it was obvious to him that I was crazy about this guy. And then he said something even more shocking to me than that: he thought that the guy was into me, too. He said that sometimes when we were all hanging out together and the guy and I started goofing around, he felt like he should leave the room! Anyway, I eventually came out to all my friends, including this guy. And he was very cool with it, even though he had acted previously like being gay wasn't a very cool thing.

Sometime later, something huge happened. I happened to catch sight of the guy....um...enjoying himself....to....um.....a gay film of a certain kind. Well, I confronted him and he confessed things to me. Like how he would find guys on the Internet and hook up with them for fun (which was sort of humiliating, because it turned out that he was more experienced than me, the out gay guy). He still insisted that he wasn't gay, however. He dated girls and wanted to find one with whom to settle down and start a family. Girls were for something serious, guys were just for fun. This was not good news for me, because as it happened, he actually had feelings for me, so, therefore, according to his warped logic he could never be with me, because then it would mean something and THEN he would be gay. (Don't bother trying to figure it out, I gave up a LONG time ago.) There were embraces and even a kiss here and there, but we could never really be together because of what he believed.

So then there was this period of pushing and pulling, which actually began even before either one of us knew about the other now that I think about it. I would basically kick him out of my life for something he'd do which I'd blow out of proportion, because I knew that what was happening was not healthy and we were probably better off apart. But he would always come begging and pleading to me to forgive him and let him back in. Of course, because of the way I felt, I did. I always did. But he had a problem with lying. It was basically second nature to him, because he had to lie about so much of his life all the time. I just didn't like it when he lied to me. And I always knew or found out and I would always call him on it. He said that I was the only one who could ever really see through him, and I was the only one who knew the truth about him, so even he couldn't explain why he would lie to me about things. Anyway, after one more round of him begging me to forgive him and let him back in, I made him promise not to lie to me ever again. And he lied to me 5 minutes later (no exaggeration). And, like always, I knew it. That was it, I couldn't do it anymore. So, I did something horrible to completely alienate him, so he wouldn't come begging again, and it worked. (God, I just realized how much this part of my life sounds like a damn soap.)

I was pretty much shattered afterwards. I went to grad school and made a wonderful group of friends that reaffirmed my faith in humanity and really helped me to heal. About 2 years after that whole episode, we chatted for a bit, and we both seemed to let bygones be bygones and caught up a bit, but we were both on our way in different directions in life, so that was the last time we talked. So you see, we never actually got to be together like Luke and Noah, even though there was definitely something there. But, then again, that whole saga lasted a lot longer than their similar period did. I think even Luke would have completely given up after that long. The sad thing is that I've never felt about anyone since the way I did about him. I've had boyfriends that I've liked, but nothing even close to what I felt for him. I sometimes think about him and know now (being older and wiser) that there were probably other ways of going about things, but it's all water under the bridge.

Then I come upon this story, and I tell you, some of the scenes between Luke and Noah were so similar to scenes between us that it was just scary. I wanted to know who was using my life for soap material! And Noah reminded me of him, and those bittersweet memories came back. And poor well-meaning Luke reminded me of me (although he was admittedly a LOT cuter). And as a gay man, having such a story that seemed ripped from my life in mainstream entertainment was such a unique experience. Seriously, I never come across anything I can REALLY relate to as a gay man in mainstream media. I could relate to this story completely (at least until they actually got together). So it may not be a good enough answer to some, but the reason I like Noah is because he reminds me so much of the one that got away.

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A word now about this week's recommended download. I have been greatly enjoying the show, Pushing Daisies, and Kristin Chenoweth who portrays Olive. Kristin was the original Galinda/Glinda in the Broadway production of Wicked in which she performed the tune "Popular." It's an enjoyable little ditty that has been one of my favorite songs of the past few years. I know that not everyone is into show tunes, but I recommend that everyone give this a spin to see if it's their cup of tea. And check out Kristin on Pushing Daisies if you get a chance. She broke out into "Hopelessly Devoted to You" a few weeks ago, and it was magnificent!

Recommended song download: Popular - Kristin Chenoweth (from the Original Broadway production of Wicked)

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Just a little entertainment

This is a little video that I made while I was bored. It pairs up the Luke and Noah saga, about which I've already written, with Feist's "1, 2, 3, 4".

I'm hoping to get back to writing on here, but nothing is tickling my writing fancy right now as far as the blog goes. To be honest, I've actually got an idea for a story to write. I don't know if it will be a novel, a play, or a short story, but I've been developing it, and it's coming along nicely. The biggest hurdle up to this point was to figure out how it would start, and I think I've finally got it. So, hopefully, I'll be off and running on that. I don't really want to give away any details because it's about something about which I've never seen anything written. Oh, I'm sure someone has written about something similar, but I've never seen it, and it's not something you see on every shelf, every stage, or every screen. So I'm a bit excited and a bit trepidatious to be honest. I probably put too much pressure on myself over these things, since there's a good chance that no one else will ever see them, but if I'm going to put this much time and effort into something I just want it to be good. And I am my toughest critic, so it's got to be really good to make me think I wasn't wasting my time.

Recommended song download: Mesmerized (Freemasons Radio Edit) - Faith Evans

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Addiction

I have a new addiction. Well, it's relatively new. I've had it for a few weeks now. I watch the Luke/Noah storyline from "As the World Turns" on YouTube, often repeatedly. Every once in a while, I'll catch an episode on television to see if it's on there, but I'm usually disappointed. It's just so damn good. It's probably the best thing I've ever seen on a soap and it's the first thing I can actually relate to on one. Believe it or not, I actually had a similar episode in college. I've seen others comment on similarities in their own lives as well. To sum up, Luke is a gay teen who came out not too long ago, and Noah is a (relatively) new guy in town, who begins a relationship with Luke's friend, Maddie. Luke is attracted to Noah but thinks he's straight, then Noah kisses him revealing otherwise. Noah feels pressured by his homophobic father to live the straight life and tries to make a go of it with Maddie. Doubt, unspoken feelings, and secrets abound. I won't give away any more in case any readers would like to check it out for themselves. (Yes, it's probably a little naive to assume that there are readers, but someone could stumble across this little corner of the Internet someday and, hopefully, they'll be entertained, but it's more likely they'll be horrified.) The writing is surprisingly good for a soap, and the performances have been surprising as well. Van Hansis as Luke is absolutely brilliant. In fact, he is so good that it makes me nervous that he won't be on much longer because someone has to snap him up for bigger and better things soon. He's just WAY too good for a soap. Alexandra Chando (as Maddie) has also stepped up to the plate recently delivering when it was most important. I highly recommend following the saga. However, I don't really recommend tuning into the show everyday, since, as mentioned before, this storyline isn't on nearly enough and the other storylines are pretty much what you would expect on a run-of-the-mill soap. A wonderful individual has put the Luke/Noah story on YouTube with only the scenes relating to their story, for which I will be eternally grateful. You can find them at http://www.youtube.com/user/LukeVanFan. Enjoy!

Recommended song download: Big Spender (NorthxNWest Remix) - Shirley Bassey

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