The Best Night I Ever Spent in Bed

Okay, so here's the deal. I'm out of town staying at the home of a couple of friends. I've been looking after the place and the pets while they are gone on a cruise. It's basically a palace with a pool (which I haven't used), a weight room (which I haven't used), and a fully stocked bar (which I've used). I needed a vacation, they were going on a vacation, and it seemed like a perfect opportunity to get away for a while. Its been relaxing, but it has also left me devoid of any inspiration to write about anything going on in the the world recently. My friends get back tomorrow, so I'll probably spend the rest of the weekend with them, and then head back home Monday, giving me no time to write this weekend. So I've decided to pull out something from my past. It was a very important night for me in my development into an adult, and, yes, it is probably the best night I ever spent in bed. So if any of that crap sounds like it interests you, click on through to the other side.

One night when I was in college, my roommate and I had gone to bed and began to discuss things in the dark as we often did, he on his side of the room and I on mine. We shared a small dorm room with a double-sided desk between our bed areas. Some of the best conversations I've ever had in my life were with him in the middle of the night, with only the sound of our voices passing back and forth over the desk in the dark. My college roommate had also been my best friend since middle school, and I was scared to death that he wouldn't be for much longer.

I had finally accepted that I was gay. Oh, I hadn't accepted that it was okay or that I could still be a good person with a full life, but I had accepted that it was true after a brief period of trying to convince myself that I was bisexual and, therefore, still had a chance at a "normal" life. The fact that I liked boys had long been undeniable. It was even more so now that I had fallen head over heels for one. He was a friend of ours who lived just down the hall, and he was the cause of a lot of self-loathing and anxiety. So much, in fact, that I was finally willing to talk to my friend and roommate.

We chatted about God knows what for a while as usual, but then I started to push the conversation in a new direction. I started asking things like, "What would make you not want to be my friend anymore?" and "What if you found out something horrible about me?" He was reassuring as he always was. Losing his friendship was probably the thing that scared me more than anything in the world at that point. Eventually, after a bit of this, he said something like, "Is there something you want to tell me?" Always the pragmatist, that one.

Then I began rambling about how there was, but I didn't think that I could and I didn't want him to hate me. He said that he never could, and this went on for a while more. I was trying my damnedest to be strong and not shed a tear. Then he just asked me, "Are you gay?"

I lost it right then and blubbered an affirmative response in some manner that I can't remember. I was literally sobbing and had to be the most pathetic thing that anyone could ever see, if they could see me in the dark. I don't think I even realized how scared and ashamed I had been feeling up until that point. I cried with the force of emotions that had been bottled up inside for years.

The next thing I knew he was there sitting beside me and trying to grab me. To my horror, I realized that he was trying to pull me to him in a hug. I resisted and even moaned, "Noooooooooooo," because I didn't think I deserved it. But he didn't relent and he pulled me to him and hugged me and held me. He told me that it didn't matter to him and that I was still his best friend. I honestly have no idea how long we remained that way. It could have been seconds or it could have been several minutes. I settled down and he returned to his bed.

We remained awake much of the night talking openly and honestly. For the first time since before I was a teenager, I felt like things might just be okay. For the first time since before I was a teenager, I felt like I might be okay. I felt hopeful and thought things possible that I never had before. In a way, it felt like I'd been reborn or like I had awakened fully to who I was and what my life could be. I could never thank him enough for giving that to me.

So, yeah, that's the best night I ever spent in bed. Sorry if I disappointed you.


Recommended Song Download: Walking (Pull Edit) - Pocket Size

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There Is Much Joy in Nukeville Today

It's been reported this week that Tala Ashe, the actress who portrays Ameera on As the World Turns, has been released from the show. I've heard that Tala is a very nice girl and it's normally not a pleasant thing when a nice person loses his or her job, but I am thoroughly thrilled by this announcement. I'll detail why that is and my exact feelings about the show and the Luke and Noah storyline after the jump.

Ameera was nothing more than a plot device introduced to keep Luke and Noah from getting their swerve on. It's been obvious from day one and it still is today. It didn't help that the writers never developed Ameera. They never allowed us to know her at all and never made her into an actual character. She has remained a walking, talking plot device throughout the story and never grew into anything more. Viewers were never given an opportunity to actually care about her. We were given reasons that we should care about her (dead mother, life in danger if she goes back to Iraq), but those were external reasons that were shoved down our throats. Ameera never gave us a reason to care about her herself. When there is no character there, there is no character about which to care.

I feel sorry for Tala, because none of this was really her fault. The writing was absolutely lousy. Ameera was introduced with one goal in mind: keep Luke and Noah apart. They never seemed to have any idea what to do with her beyond that. They quickly threw her into a marriage with Noah that made absolutely no sense and didn't bother to write any actual story. Luke and Noah couldn't truly be together simply because she was there. When the writers had Ameera actually try to seduce Noah, it destroyed any chance whatsoever that we could feel any sympathy for her. Luke had sacrificed so much for her, and his family had given her absolutely everything. It was absolutely reprehensible for her to do that. That's when the writers made the biggest mistake of the whole story: they didn't treat it like a big deal even though it was an absolutely detestable thing to do. Ameera faced no repercussions and Luke laughed it off. At this point, Ameera and the story became absolutely irredeemable. Everything that followed was illogical, contrived, and just plain stupid. It didn't help that everyone seemed to be acting out of character and tolerating things that no sane person would tolerate.

Honestly, it amazes me that someone could do their jobs as badly as the writers and producer of the show do their jobs and still get paid for it. If everyone I know performed their jobs this badly, they wouldn't be working for very long. There are apparently two areas where you can be absolutely horrible at your job and continue to get paid: entertainment and politics.

I'm not just basing this on Luke and Noah either. This week, for the first time in a while, I actually watched whole episodes of the show, and it's overall quality has dropped like George Michael's pants in a park. I don't think it's a coincidence that the show has been hemorrhaging viewers in recent weeks.

It's really sad that we've finally gotten over the whole non-kissing controversy only to have the boys stuck in this debacle of a storyline. I only demand two things for Luke and Noah: they do what couples actually do and they get a decent storyline. Now I know that maybe I shouldn't be too picky because for a while they didn't have either. Now that they're kissing again, one of those areas has improved, although it's still ridiculous that guys that age that have been together that long aren't going at it like bunnies. Unfortunately, the fact that they are kissing again only shines a spotlight on just how truly horrible their story is right now.

Recommended song download: Heartbeat - Madonna

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California, Sweet!

It's funny how things work out. Just last week, when writing about the commitment ceremony on Brothers & Sisters, I mentioned how same-sex marriage wasn't recognized in the state of California. Well, here we are one week later, and the situation is totally different. In case you've been under a rock for the past few days and didn't know, the California Supreme Court overturned the ban on gay marriage in the state. In as little as a month, gay couples could be able to finally tie the knot in a legally recognized marriage ceremony. Ellen Degeneres made an announcement on the episode of her show that broadcast the day after the ruling that she and Portia de Rossi were engaged to be married. I'm sure that they are far from the only couple to get engaged, and I'm sure that gays across the state celebrated with the joy that can only come with being recognized as human beings with rights equal to others. It didn't take the bigots long, however, to try to rain on the parade, as they have pledged to get a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage up for a vote later in the year.

I just don't understand why these people can't leave other people alone to live their lives. It's not like they have a single valid argument against gay marriage, because they don't. It's also not like they will be affected at all by two guys getting married, because they won't. A huge part of the "argument" against gay marriage is religion-based. Last time I checked, we had a First Amendment in the U. S. Constitution that guarantees freedom of religion and allows everyone to believe how they want to believe. Trying to force their religious beliefs upon the rest of their countrymen by getting the government to endorse those beliefs is just downright un-American. They also can't seem to get it through their heads that religious marriage and legal marriage are two different things. Even now churches don't recognize certain marriages that are legally valid. No one is keeping them from doing so, and no one is talking about keeping them from doing so. Churches can recognize or not recognize any marriage that they want to, but they should not be able to influence what marriages the government can recognize per our constitution. Frankly, it's just disgusting what many of these people have made of their religion that is supposed to be all about love. As Hurley's mom said on this week's Lost, "Jesus Christ is not a weapon."

And how exactly is two people of the same-sex getting married supposed to "weaken" marriage? I'm sorry, but straight people have done a damn good job weakening marriage all on their own, thank you very much. It seems to me that bringing people into the institution that would actually value it and not take it for granted because it's something that they've never had and something that they had to fight for could only strengthen it. Marriage is actually something precious to those for whom it's never before been an option. It's not just a chance to have a big party like it seems to be for many straight people, who often turn around and get a divorce and/or marry as many times as they possibly can before they die, thereby weakening and devaluing marriage. For the newcomers to the institution, it's a chance to be first-class citizens for the first time and enjoy the privileges, rights, and responsibilities that come along with that. These people won't be looking for the easy way to get out because they had to pass through the hard way just to get in. I don't see how that could weaken marriage at all.

The rights of a minority should NEVER be put up for a popular vote. The terms involved such as "minority" and "popular" should be clue enough why that is. There is a reason that pretty much every major advance in civil rights in the past century has come about because of a court decision and not a vote. We have a dirty little secret in this country, and it's that the majority usually likes keeping the minority down. I don't know why this is. Maybe it makes people feel special knowing that they have something that others don't. Regardless, this is unacceptable in a nation that purports to hold freedom and equality in such high esteem. It's also unconscionable.

Frankly, the whole protest seems a bit silly from my viewpoint. For a while now, I have considered gay marriage to be an inevitability. It is going to happen. I have every confidence that it will be recognized federally at some point and couples will be able to marry anywhere in the country. That scenario may be years down the road, but I know it's there. The opponents of gay marriage are fighting progress, and if there is one thing that history has shown us, it's that progress usually wins.

A shocking retirement, a shocking F-bomb, and a not so shocking outburst after the jump!

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JUSTINE HENIN RETIRES

I don't recall if I've mentioned it here, but I am a HUGE tennis fan. I was shocked this week when I read that Justine Henin, the #1 ranked woman in the world, announced her retirement. She is the first woman to ever retire while ranked at the top. The Belgian alienated many fans during the course of her career because of some questionable behavior which appeared to be bad sportsmanship, but watching her play was always a treat regardless. The women's tour is losing a real bright spot as Henin was one of the very few players left with an actual game. Too many players now try to blow their opponents off the court with sheer power. Henin, being one of the smaller women on tour, couldn't do that, although she could still pack a wallop despite having such a small frame. She had to run a lot and move the ball around a lot and create opportunities by working the court, the ball, and her opponent. Perhaps it was the effort that went into her game that caused her to burn out so early (she's only 25), but whatever the case, there is no denying that she was a champion. She won seven Grand Slam tournaments (4 French Opens, 2 U. S. Opens, 1 Australian Open), with Wimbledon being the only major title she failed to win, although she was runner-up twice. Only Serena Williams has more Slam singles titles among active players with eight, and they are tied for the most Slam singles titles this decade with seven each. I'm really going to miss her every time I have to watch two girls trying to knock the cover off the ball.

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YOUTUBE FUN TIME!

Just because it makes me laugh every time, here is news anchor Sue Simmons dropping the F-bomb on television: http://youtube.com/watch?v=ETnp8Tq3CFw.

Just because it provides more evidence that he's a sociopath, here's Bill O'Reilly losing it a few decades ago: http://youtube.com/watch?v=2tJjNVVwRCY.

Recommended song download: Unchained Melody - Cyndi Lauper

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With This Ring, I See Red

Weddings have never been my favorite things, but as I've gotten older, they've become even less enjoyable. Being reminded that I can't do the same thing with someone that I love and enjoy the rights and privileges that the married couple will have isn't exactly my idea of a good time. Of course, there would be no threat of me walking down the aisle anytime soon anyway seeing as there's no special someone in my life right now, but that doesn't really help.

It just so happens that I went to a wedding this weekend. It was my cousin's wedding. It was already depressing enough knowing how much younger she was than I was, and that I could remember her as a toddler and here she was looking like a gorgeous young woman in a beautiful mermaid-style gown. Being reminded that time has basically slaughtered whatever was left of my youth is bad enough, but I also had to be reminded of how any union of mine would be considered to be so much less than theirs.

Then I started thinking about the people who scream about "protecting marriage" and my blood started to boil. They like to pretend that straight people haven't already done a lot of damage themselves. I just don't see how letting a bunch of people marry who would appreciate the value of marriage and not take it for granted could hurt it. It seems like it could only help to me.

Furthermore, this ceremony was very Christian and pretty much amounted to a sermon instead of a wedding. That wasn't particularly enjoyable, but when they had the little ceremony within a ceremony recognizing that she had saved herself for marriage, I felt so uncomfortable it was like my internal organs wanted to burst from my body and run screaming from the church. That was my little cousin! I didn't want to know whether she's a virgin or not, thank you very much! "Creepy" wasn't even the word for it. I was mortified.

I now have a little trick that helps me get through these things, however. When I find myself attending an agonizing ceremony in a church, there will usually be a hymnbook somewhere in front of me. I look at it and then think about Eddie Izzard talking about white people singing in church. Works everytime!

Brothers & Sisters, Nine Inch Nails, and more after the jump!

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Speaking of getting hitched, Kevin and Scotty will be taking the plunge on tonight's Brothers & Sisters on ABC. Of course, they aren't getting married because the show is set in California where same-sex marriages aren't recognized, but they are having a commitment ceremony to celebrate their domestic partnership. ("Domestic partnership" just drips with romance, doesn't it?) Last week's episode was very moving with Kevin proposing to Scotty, and Matthew Rhys and Luke McFarlane gave wonderful performances during the scene. Uncle Saul, played by Ron Rifkin, also came out to Kevin in a touching scene. This is one of the best shows on television right now with a phenomenal cast. Although, to be honest, I could really do without any hookups between Justin and Rebecca, who thought that they were siblings at one point. Ick.

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There is a new Nine Inch Nails album out right now entitled The Slip. However, it's only available by download, and, oh yeah, IT'S FREE! So if you're a big fan, a casual listener, or just want to check out some new tunes, you might want to look into it. You can't beat free! I have downloaded it, and I'm currently enjoying "Discipline" very much. You can download the album at http://dl.nin.com/theslip/.

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I would just like to say here that, no, I am NOT ignoring the elephant in the room. I am perfectly aware of a certain celebrity blogger announcing that a certain actor is in a certain kind of relationship. I think that it's wonderful that this actor has someone to be with and I think it is in NO WAY shameful or something that should be swept under the rug. I'm not mentioning any names, however, because I don't want to give the gasbag of a blogger any more publicity than he already has. I wish the actor and his boyfriend nothing but the best and I hope that he knows that he has plenty of support!

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I'd like to take this moment for a little clarification about my post schedule. I will be posting weekly as I said in last week's entry, but the post will appear sometime during the weekend (Fri-Sun) and not on any particular day. Have a great week!

Recommended Song Download: Cologne - Dolly Parton

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Tune In Next Week!

At the beginning of the year I resolved to post at least once a month. I’ve successfully kept the resolution and am looking forward to many more posts. What’s that? I just posted last week? That’s right, I did! Did I forget? Am I finally losing what little I have left of my mind? What is this madness? Well, let me start by assuring you that I am in full possession of my faculties (or at least in as much possession of my faculties as I have ever been while writing here).

I want to welcome everyone to a new and exciting phase of this blog’s life. But before I get into that too much, let me tell you how it all began! I was pondering deep philosophical questions that affect the very foundation of our lives on this planet as I often do, when I presented myself with a worrisome query, “Whatever are those two people who read my blog doing all these weeks in between my postings?” I immediately fell into a state of panic as realization hit me! Those poor things! They must have been suffering tremendously without a more reliable stream of worthless opinions presented through hackneyed writing! I was sure that in between my monthly ramblings they had devoured everything else new on the Internet, leaving them listless and questioning the value of their own lives. Well, I was having none of that! I was going to provide them with the sustenance that their hungry minds required! Thus, I made an important decision, the impact of which historians will be debating for centuries to come I’m sure. I was going to feed them a more steady supply of insignificant observations on often-unimportant topics! That’s right, I’m going weekly!

So, you poor, neglected readers out there won’t have to go weeks without a heaping helping of tedium anymore! No longer will you have to question whether or not you should go on living not knowing when you’d get your next dose of irrelevant reflections on things about which you probably don’t care! Once a week, I’ll be here for you! What you do with the rest of the week is your problem.

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Madonna’s new album, Hard Candy, was released this past Tuesday. Being a fan, I purchased it as soon as I could and put it on an infinite loop as I do every new Madonna release. I was especially excited after really enjoying “4 Minutes” after expecting not to with Justin Timberlake and Timbaland involved. Not that I have anything against those guys as I’ve enjoyed some of their work, but I just didn’t think they would be a good fit with Madonna, and the enterprise reeked of “selling out” to get some radio play. Well, I was pleasantly surprised and couldn’t wait for the album to drop expecting more pleasant surprises. Unfortunately, there weren’t many to be had. The rest of the album is pretty much what I expected before hearing “4 Minutes.” This is the first Madonna album with which I’ve been really disappointed. Frankly, I think that this is the worst album of her career. Of course, that’s not saying that much considering how consistently she has put out quality material for the past 25 years. The album isn’t really bad; it’s just a bit blah. Many of the tracks seem to be percussive exercises that end up being totally forgettable and include that most annoying of trends where producers have to pipe up on every tune. Can’t these people just produce? Frankly, much of the album is just the kind of thing that I stopped listening to radio to escape. There are a few decent tracks, all of which are at the beginning of the album. In addition to “4 Minutes,” tracks worth giving a spin are “Candy Shop,” “Give It 2 Me,” and “Heartbeat.” “She’s Not Me” would be a pretty good choice as well, but it’s about two minutes too long in my opinion. If it happens to be released as a single, hopefully it will get an edit, which would be an improvement. The other seven tracks range from mediocre to just plain bad (I’d recommend avoiding “Spanish Lesson” at all costs). One problem is that some of the songs sound like other works by other artists. “Incredible” sounds like a Gwen Stefani castoff, “Devil Wouldn’t Recognize You” sounds like Justin Timberlake’s “What Goes Around…Comes Around” and "Cry Me a River," and other tracks sound like they came off of a N.E.R.D. album. Much of Hard Candy just doesn’t feel like Madonna, and, ultimately, Madonna is the reason that I buy the albums.

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Although the Luke and Noah story on As the World Turns got nowhere fast this week, with Luke moving in and out faster than you could say "Astroglide" and the guys getting less screen time than pretty much anyone else, there was some good news when the Daytime Emmy nominations were revealed. Van Hansis (Luke) was nominated for Outstanding Younger Actor in a Drama Series. Honestly, his performance is what has made the Luke and Noah story bearable in the rough patches of bad writing (although even he hasn’t been able to fully overcome this Ameera debacle). Although he should definitely win, I’m not too optimistic with the new voting system in effect this year where there is only one vote that determines the nominees and winners. In other words, if Van Hansis wasn’t the lead vote getter when the nominations were announced, he didn’t win. There were also reports of many voters not watching the tapes that they were supposed to. The Academy needs to drastically overhaul the rules for next year. He was already robbed last year when he should have won for his poignant performance during Luke’s coming-out story. I’m afraid that this system will only contribute to another undeserved award for someone else, especially since many of the acting nominees this year are questionable choices and deserve to be nowhere near an award.

Recommended Song Download: Funplex - The B-52's

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